Bad Hair Life

I have been on this massive house purge. We are talking way beyond the traditional spring cleaning. This crapbin we call a house was starting to look awfully familiar when channel surfing seeing "Hoarders" pop up on the screen. Well, one of the few fun things in the tedious chore of emptying out closet after closet and drawer after drawer in room after room is finding old photos of myself and friends from over the years.

Before I get to the gist of this post I must mention, clothing from the 1970's sucked. It should never come back into style. Period. I don't care what "THEY" say about retro being cool. The colors were not harvest gold, avocado and tangerine; they were pee yellow, puke green and burnt orange. The plaids were ugly, the fabrics never wore out but they had a good chance of melting near an open flame, bell bottoms tripped us and we looked stupid. At least we can blame our parents for dressing us like crap the first go around - if anyone buys that shit this time ... well, you deserve to look like a moron. But I digress.

As I have been looking at decades of photos I have noticed a trend about myself. I have pretty much lived a freaking bad hair life and I have the Kodak moments to prove it my friends! The first recorded moments show me bald until the age of two and when my hair decided to appear it looked like a new lawn trying to grow ... little tufts here and there all nilly willy.

The younger years show a kid with either scraggly hair always in my face or a super boyish crop due to a mother fed up with a kid screaming and crying about tangles. I would not recommend either look for a young lady. Actually, I would not recommend either look for a human being. If I could figure out my scanner I still would not be posting photos of myself in this hideous state. Yes, that freaking bad.

Then came the 1980's. Oh my. It was big. It was wide. It was gelled, moussed, hairsprayed, teased and dried within and inch of its life. It did not move. It hurt other people if the touched it. I quite possibly could have named it and claimed it on my taxes. Did I mention it was big?

With the 1990's came marriage and responsibility and "mom" hair. Need I say more? It was short, efficient and fucking ugly. Then of course came the "I need to grow my hair out one more time because I need to" look. Oh it brought back my days of youth. It looked just as crappy and it was still always in my face. Only this time I had to try to make it look nice because "grown-ups" just can't get away with that ratty playground look (other than I still refuse to give up my Chuck Taylor high top addiction!)

My current bad hair style is the chin length bob because my friends are humoring me and saying it looks good. My only saving grace in all of this over the years - a great baseball cap collection that hides most of the bad hair days and a husband that does not mind having a tomboy for a wife.