Vacuuimng Out the Cobwebs

I have the coolest vacuum. It has a little stoplight system on it that lets me know when the carpet is still dirty and it gives me a green light when it is good to move on to a new area. Well, with Gabby the Wonderdog I have a lot of stoplights waiting for it to suck up dog hair thus a lot of time to think of random useless shit. Here is a sampling of what was floating through my brain this morning - I am hoping something might become fodder for future writing as I have been in a big funk lately. My journal looks like that of a serial killer but nothing I would put out there for the world to see.

* Holy crap my carpets are filthy!

* There is nothing like a John Hughes movie to take away any adult self-respect and make me feel like misfit teenager I was.

* How is it two siblings can come from the same parents and be so freaking different????

* If someone you love lies to you with small lies, how long before they start telling whoppers?

* Seriously, I have to empty the dirt container ALREADY!

* How bad is the acne epidemic in Hollywood that everyone seems to be using ProActive?

* I really should workout today but since this vacuuming is taking over 30 minutes, I think this will count. Plus - I am breaking a sweat.

* Bud Select, Bud Select, Bud Select ... when I finish this all I have to do is clean the kitchen, empty the dishwasher, empty the trash and I get Bud Selects at the beach! Keep working girl.

* How much shit will I get in if I tell the top 5 people on my "Go Fuck Yourself" List to "go fuck themselves?" Would it be worth it?

* The dirt cup again, REALLY?

* I really need to fix my iPods. Soon.

* Crap - laundry before the beach too.

* A trip to the grocery store would not be a bad idea. The two packs of tuna keep staring at me in the cabinet and I keep staring back. They are going to win if I don't go soon.

* I am a crappy friend. I am so bad about returning e-mails. I really hope my friends know I am thinking about them. This is one time the Thought Police would actually be good.

* I would not complain about a trip to Nordstroms one of these days :)

* I live at the beach yet I hate sand. What is wrong with me?

* Am I the only moron that has a million problems with iTunes?

* How can you get sucked into 12 hours of Lifetime movies in one day?

* Seriously, the dust cup is fucking full AGAIN? I am getting Gabby shaved ASAP!

* I know Verizon has the technology already - just introduce the damn iPhone already.

* Can I vacuum with a Bud Select and how big of a drunk will I be if I am cleaning with a beer before noon? It really is drink o'clock somewhere ...

* Dammit! That hurts when I ram the vacuum over my foot and into my baby toe. I think that means I need a Bud Select for medicinal purposes.

* How come they don't make the cords longer on vacuums? Really, they know you are going to vacuum multiple rooms - just make the damn things longer for pete's sake!

* Why do drivers from Canada suck so bad? Seriously. I even vacation in Canada once a summer and they suck in Canada. Do they even give them a driving test to get a license? Food for thought?

* I hate the Cubs.

* This dust cup thing sucks the big one. And my dog needs to go to the groomers. And I need a Bud Select.

* LAST ROOM!!!! Guest Room - used the least! Should not take long.

* Really Gabby, must you sleep in here while we are gone? The left side of the guest bed is hair central. Thanks. Thanks. A. Lot. Watching the vacuum with its red and green lights is like watching traffic on Michigan Avenue in Chicago. Stop. Go. Stop. Go. I love my dog. I love my dog. I love my dog.

* GREEN LIGHT GO!

Happy weekend all. I am headed to the beach for a nice iced tea and companionship of friends. Enjoy. Have a few cold tasty Bud Selects if you get a chance.