OK, I willing admit I am a reality TV addict. But not just any reality TV, I love the trashy, junky, eat your brain reality TV. None of this "Biggest Loser" feel good stuff for me. I don't want to cry tears of joy because some diabetic on the verge of losing his feet took off two hundred pounds and gained a fiancee. I want to watch a bunch of total morons who have chosen to splash their pathetic lives on the small screen each week just for my entertainment value. Would you like to know why? Because these fools make me feel really really good about myself. Let's do a little channel surfing, shall we ...
Rock of Love Bus or Chlamydia on Tour on VH1. Bret Michaels former Poison frontman has not managed to find love on two previous seasons of Rock of Love so what better to do than pack up two busses of skanks and go on tour?!? My feel good points from this show. 1. I may be a drunk but I am not an alcoholic whore giving blowjobs on a tourbus. 2. I might not have made millions in my life but then again I am not trying to restart my career on VH1 screwing disease ridden sluts. 3. I have learned a lot of fashion "don't" tips from these so called "ladies."
Any of the Real Housewives of franchise on Bravo. Orange County is my favorite however New York is the current running season. The gist of these gals is how rough life can be when you have money. Oh yeah cupcakes, it really sucks the big one toughing it out in the Hamptons for the summer. Those Botox sessions can be so messy. Spending those couple of hours a week with your kids can be so tough. Keep working out with the trainer on the arm muscles for that backstabbing. Happy points after watching these bitches. 1. 99% of my friends are tried and true. 2. I am glad I do not have a Bronx accent. 3. I like living the life of a beach girl.
Keeping Up With the Kardashians on E! This family could not be more fucked up if they tried yet are so addictive it is frightening. Mom pimps her three eldest daughters out as much as possible, the two youngest are whores-in-training, the son is useless and good old Bruce Jenner just sits back and watches everything happen with his bad plastic surgeried face not moving. Seriously, when your eight year old has the moves down on the stripper pole in your bedroom and it airs on television you are one study for psychology classes for years to come. And let's not forget when Kim posed for Playboy and did not want to go nude and good mom Kris made her. Ah ... what a "momager." I also so look forward to Brody Jenner's cameo appearances as the good big brother who watches porn while babysitting. Why I like my life points. 1. Neither of my kids has been in a porno, gone to jail for probation violation or posed for Playboy. 2. My husband does not have a face like Bruce Jenner's. 3. No one in my family has ever defended O.J. Simpson for murder.
High School Reunion on TVLand. This one is a freaking hoot and I highly doubt my upcoming reunion in June will resemble this show. First it takes place in Hawaii over the course of a couple of weeks. Secondly, only a dozen or so people attend. And finally they find the people who all have some sort of unresolved issues with each other. The divorced couple. The mean girl and the girl she picked on. The band geek who turned out hot. You get the idea. I don't know where they find these people but when I say they have issues I mean ISSUES! Last week Liz the "misfit" dropped about three seconds of f-bombs on Jenny the "mean girl cheerleader" due to twenty years of pent up rage. Get over it girl ... it was fucking high school. I guess we know who goes postal after all. Keep an eye on this woman. But supposedly they made up after an overnight "detention" and all is well. You bet. Uh huh. Aly happy points. 1. Facebook has become a reunion of sorts and it is fun. 2. I am glad I am not carrying around 20 years of anger from high school. I like being a dumb and happy adult.
I have only hit on a few of the shows I watch. I am a terrible insomniac and with the love of DVR and reruns my addiction runs rampant but I think you get the gist. While others may call reality television brain rot I consider it personal prozac. That there are such foolish people out there that feel the need open up every aspect of their pathetic lives for the world to see makes me happy. I am not a loser for watching them, they are the losers for opening their doors, mouths, suitcases and in the case of Rock of Love Bus - legs for all to see ... and I love it! Thanks for being such fuckups. You make me happy I am me.
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You are so funny. Did you ever watch the Flavor Flav shows or the Charm school shows? I loved those, I have no idea why. I think part of it was I couldn't believe that the man who gave us "don't believe the hype" is such a huge freaking weirdo bizarre person.
ReplyDeleteYeah I know what you mean about highschool reunion. I haven't seen the show but I bet they specifically choose the people with the highest level of dysfunction and personality disorders to actually be on the show.
I have to wonder though if these people are truly as fucked up as they seem to be or if producers are egging them on, or even giving them dialogue and situations to act out.