It's Florida ... it's Spring Break... it sucks.

As a resident of this great state I understand the need for tourism dollars more than anyone but it does not mean I have to like it. Another year of terrorists have descended upon us for Spring Break to fuck up our traffic, take up our regular bar stools, treat us like we OWE them something and just basically screw our daily lives in general.

Welcome to my day. I have to first wake up to an alarm rather than whenever the hell I feel like it due to the fact I have an errand further down the beach which would normally take 10 minutes is now going to take an hour for the whole 6 mile round trip. Swell. Next ... lucky girl I am, have to go off-island and not even in-town. I actually have to hit the nearby outlet mall as I cannot force my tennis shoes to work another week before the duct tape comes out and while I have exceeding low standards, I at least have some. So hurdle number one. Let's try and share the lane in the parking lot. It's not as easy and it sounds. No really - you just take up the whole row sir before you take up the whole spot before I can move my car forward, I understand it is your out-of-state dollars driving our state economy in ONE WEEK while the rest of us live here year round. Please, be my guest. By the way, do you drive that well in Alabama the other 51 weeks of the year?

Next Game. Play "Dodge your snotty nosed brats running around the shoe store while you are trying to stuff your foot into EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SHOE ON CLEARANCE!" Please, I am trying to pay full price for my New Balance cross trainers even though I am at an outlet mall. But again, your six dollars minus the coupon you picked up from the lady at the kiosk in the center of the mall will really rev-up Lee County's bottom line this week. I just want to be out of the store before you tell your toddler son he may not have the pretty pink plaid purse he has been toting around and spilling juice on during my time in the store. Oh - and to add insult to injury, the coupon specifically states "No New Balance" - I know this from past experience.

Next Stop. Trying to dodge the disgruntled women at Bath and Body Works who are extremely dismayed to find the story "really isn't an outlet store." Bummer. Then get the fuck out and stop harassing the sales clerks, let me buy my plug-in thingies and candles and go. Now I am just getting pissed off by people who aren't even contributing to the local economy but who are just fucking stupid.

Final stop - thank God - because this is the one that might have pushed me over the edge if I had any more stops to make. I stopped in at the coffee shop to get an iced tea or a virgin Ice Pick (no vodka!) I have the big bag with the shoes, a heavy bag with candles and my purse which could almost pass for checked luggage. As I am walking out these two fuckwits are behind me with EMPTY FUCKING HANDS and do not try to help with the door and as I have leaned my ass on the door to open for myself they fucking walked through and Mr. Sensitive in his New York accent says "Thanks Babe." Fucking terrorists.

So, I get in my car absolutely seething. Light a smoke. Crank up the stereo and prepare for the drive back to the beach. Traffic sucked. Took an hour to go less than five miles. And my only other comment on traffic - why must kids feel the need to share their fucking rap music with me(or anyone else for that matter) when sitting in traffic? And why do I now sound like my mother when I say this? All I know is ... I do shock the shit out of them when I crank my tunes right back up with Kid Rock, The Ramones, Iggy Pop or something else of the sort you would never expect from a housewife in a Volvo SUV.

Aly's contribution to the local economy today: $275 and some change
Aly's aggrivation: do you seriously think I count that high?
Happy Weekend.