Welcome to my first blog.

So I guess I have finally committed myself to something other than drinking on a regular basis. Well, I guess I am more committed to more things than that if I think about it. I have been married to the same guy for almost 16 years. I do manage to take the dog out on a regular basis. I have been growing out a heinous haircut for almost 20 months. Hell. That alone could have gotten me through nine months of pregnancy and still have almost a year old kid. Shit, shoot me!!!! No - how in the hell did I get so far off track from my original thought? Oh, because I'm me. So back to commitment. I have been toying with the idea of a blog for awhile. My friend Chase was the first one to give me the courage to go public. Then some other friends have been pushing me so here goes. My goal is to try to write daily but let's face facts. Some days I am just to drunk to sit at a keyboard and type letters that come out in order. Other days I am just too fucking lazy. I have zero plans for what I am going to write other than what the title of the blog spells out ... random thoughts of a useless housewife.

I am going to let you in on a little bit about me. I come across as pretty flighty but in all actuality I am not that dumb - in fact I am fairly intelligent. My goal is to write funny shit - as I would rather be entertaining but since these are MY random thoughts I might one day have a rant about how my husband has pissed me off, which will still probably be funny, but I am just saying there might be something serious once in a blue moon. I plan to leave politics off the table unless I am so angry that unless I need to pound the letters because there is not enough Absolut, Camel Turkish Silvers and Mommy's Little Helper's to keep me from taking a ten story dive!!! I have a feeling you will be hearing a lot about reality TV, stupid terrorists - excuse me tourists - here in FL, bad blue haired drivers, rotten restaurant customers at the restaurant where I hang out and sometimes work, my family (of course) and just what it's like to be me in general. Trust me, being me is a very complicated and confusing process, I sincerely would not recommend it. Now being my dog is a whole other story. If I were you - I would be sending your resume now to be my dog. In fact D - O - G is a dirty word in our house. Gabby is a Princess and you had better remember that dammit. She rules the house with an iron paw and we just borrow space from her thankyouverymuch.

Going to sign off for now, have a riveting date with the AM paper, a Coke, my smokes, an ER rerun, the KU game and Icepicks (Absolut Citron and iced tea - the drink of all women who hide daydrinking well) at the beach. Let me know what you think. Like I really care.